Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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