They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
