white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
