you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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