A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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