'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
