i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
