I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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