I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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