i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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