I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
