Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
