then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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