Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
