fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
