We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
