I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
