We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
