I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
