can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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