I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
