Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i barfeds in our rink
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
