I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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