so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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