I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
