Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Who died my cat blue again?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
