I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think your dad took our porno
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
