I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
