let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
