Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
