he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
