My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
