Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
