i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
