I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
