I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
MIDGETS
????
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
