is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
