I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
