My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
