Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
