at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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