I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
