Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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