There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
