Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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