Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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