Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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