doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
