Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
be right there i have to get my cape
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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