return my video game
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
