Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
