i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
