I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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