oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
